A Writing Prompt / Pt. 1

Describe the last difficult “goodbye” you said.

Everyone says that saying “goodbye” is never easy. But I’ve never known it to be a permanent thing, even in death.

Is it sad? Devastating even? Absolutely. But as time goes on you learn that in death and tragedy, amazing things could follow.

I’ve been lucky enough not to lose too many people, but I’ve lost pets for sure. Unexpected moments as well as planned, looking back they hurt just about the same. In 2011, I lost my best friend of 10 years who to most people was just a horse. But for a person who never found it easy to connect with people until that horse came into their life, it was the most traumatic moment I can remember.

That horse helped place the building blocks of the person I am today. Sure, the workaholic side (we’ll call it “driven”)… But the side with try and passion too.

I felt lost and abandoned. No reason to be anything more than “normal” and broken. But there was still that try left in there, just covered up with a mountain of… There’s no one word to describe it. I’d never be me again.

Close to that time, another horse fell into my lap. One just as broken, scarred, and untrusting as I was. It didn’t take long to realize that this was exactly what we both needed. Us.

Years have gone by since I had picked up that skinny “don’t touch me” 5-year old and he’ll be 17 this month. I’ve gone through roller coasters of life trying to pinpoint exactly who I was and who I want to be.

Obviously I’m still lost. But I’m learning.

I guess the last difficult “goodbye” though for me is that person. That person who was filled with anger, hate, misery, self-doubt. There’s always been a comfort in it and a fear of being happy and content. The feeling that it is truly enough. That I… Madeline… am truly enough.

I’m thankful for the memories and the lessons, but I don’t need that person in my life anymore.

This has been the hardest goodbye and one I am still working on.

If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.

Paulo Coelho