Ride Time

Really starting to feel those “cloud 9” vibes again as I curl up with the pups with some mac ‘n cheese and a Caramel Chocolate Cold Brew hubby scooped up for me on the way home. It’s almost 9pm, don’t judge me.

I think I’ve been in the saddle 4 more times since my last post and this guy in an absolute monster. Obviously in all the good ways. There are buttons that are unsticking that I forgot I installed. The second ride brought on the softness and will to move forward off the leg that we were missing the first ride back. No complaints there though, I knew he’d be sticky because I would be sticky.

We had a day of questionable weather that a few months ago I would have used as an excuse but I said no, we’re doing this. He slid up to the mounting block ready to work. We’ve been doing 15-20 minutes rides so nothing too intense, but I really want to focus on keeping that softness and all around responsiveness to my cues. I’d rather have a great, short ride than a long drawn out ride that will end with him quitting me before I get the chance to quit him.

Always end on a good note over a sweaty saddle pad.

I also noticed that when I went to mount up on my second ride, the anxiety wasn’t there like it usually is. That vomit feeling before I put my foot in the stirrup that is always there the first month back riding. He even raised his head when I went to put my foot in the stirrup to look at something and I didn’t give it a second thought.

You wouldn’t think that would be an issue especially after everything we’ve done and gone through, but it is. Fear. It’s a magickal thing. A subconscious thing. And the worst part is, it’s never been a fear of me getting hurt, it’s always been about giving him a bad experience. Giving us a bad experience.

It’s still there. That cloud. That fear… But it feels a million miles away. Lurking. Waiting.

I can’t take all the credit for pushing this entity into the shadows. Not riding and not hiding in my ridiculous self-employed life really unmasked some scary things I never took the time to actually deal with. It finally came to a point where I knew I wouldn’t survive this rollercoaster and I needed help. I got it.

A few months ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (obviously with a sprinkle of undiagnosed ADHD) and after a few tries we found the perfect dose of magick beans… or a bean to be precise. What’s it like not “raw dogging” through life? You won’t know until you try.

My biggest fear was losing my quirk.

Don’t worry. It’s still here. Even more so these days.

Now if only we could get this guy off his NSAIDs and back to work before he pops. How does one get so fat on 1st cut and ration balancer?!

He’s been sound but hasn’t left the barn yet. There’s a small paddock opening in the next couple weeks and the BO has already reached out saying it’s ours to use until he’s ready for the big field again.

I have no complaints about the behavior of this horse who has been on stall rest for 3 months now with minimal turnout. He loves his daily grooming sessions and snuggling while his stall is picked. Take him out of the barn, that’s a different story. But we’ll get there.

Thank you for hanging out with me as I work on my writing skills. Who knows, maybe I’ll get the guts to start vlogging our adventures this year.

Until next time…

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.

John Wayne

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